New Year, New Me. No more … please, no more.
There is a world of difference between this:
“I haven’t been sleeping well, I wonder if I should try going to bed earlier/avoiding screens before bedtime/get some black out curtains?”
And then creating a plan to improve the situation, with the intention of feeling better
And this:
“I’m a disaster/worthless/loser/embarrassment and MUST change myself! Must transform! Everything! Anything less than total personality upgrade and removal of all unwanted and shameful emotions is a catastrophe!”
Many of the people I meet through my work have a more or less conscious version of the latter running their daily lives. The text above might be an exaggeration, but even a smattering of this inner demand creates a lot of pain and sucks the joy out of life.
I see a baffling paradox here. People with strong natural tenancies towards open-mindedness, curiosity, creativity, and engagement with other people tend to see things this way, whereas those with less of these qualities don’t think like this. They are more likely to plough on regardless, laying the blame for the deficiencies and frustrations of their lives firmly at the feet of other people.
So it seems that the demand that we improve ourselves does not reflect our qualities, or our values as people in any way, it is simply a reflection of the way our brain is arranged.
The image above is a painting titled Loneliness by Harold Weston, 1928
Perhaps it could also be called “Man falls asleep, bored with self-help books”.
